Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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