margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
