I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
