I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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