FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
