we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
