oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
