I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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