I think I died a long time ago.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
pop tarts are not kleenex
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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