No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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