just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
