hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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