Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
