Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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