As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
