I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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