Taylor Swift is so right about you.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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