So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I need a burrito and a hug.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
