Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
