i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
So here I am, sexting at work.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
