Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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