Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
