So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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