He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
