So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
