So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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