Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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