Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize