why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
