i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
