That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
