Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Randomize
