the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
