He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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