So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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