she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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