im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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