just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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