don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
