i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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