remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
