So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
