I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
