I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
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