hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
