She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
