Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
So many bounce houses so little time
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
