i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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