So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Randomize
