i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Randomize
