Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
