So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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