i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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