I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
